To my ENG 101 group: I only added part of my intro, the points that I'm going to make, and my thesis. I'm having some writer's block. Please, critique anyways or give your opinions. I need some help...
To the parents of Saint Stephen’s Episcopal School students,
Since graduating from Saint Stephen’s two years ago there have been many times when I have sat with friends and looked back on our time spent there, and almost always “cookie break” is brought up. It was everyone’s favorite part of the day, and has been known to cause riots when taken away. A Saint Stephen’s tradition, after you shoved your way past the mob of people standing in front of the counter, for one dollar (free if you are “in” with the sales people) you are given a grease spotted paper bag that holds the warmest, gooiest chocolate chip cookie you have ever seen. So you buy another and maybe another. Oh and it’s Wednesday so they are selling Nutella filled crepes in the French room, you better grab one of those. You will need something to wash it down, so you buy a Mountain Dew from the vending machine. All of this and it’s not even 10:30 in the morning.
Problems with school lunches: cause obesity, malnutrition, and bad eating habits.
Thesis: In order for children to be healthy and have healthy eating habits, major changes need to be made to their school lunches so that they are not only tasty but nutritious.
Hi Haley. You are in a very good start. Try organizing your essay on a piece of paper and putting down your thoughts. What is it that you are trying to tell us with your essay? In what ways can schools improve their lunches without having to eat all the crepes and mountain dew. In your thesis you mention that major changes need to be made to the school lunches so they wont be only tasty but nutritious. Do you have any ideas in mind. Looking forward to reading your full essay. :)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the detail you used - it reminded me of the fatty foods we all looked forward to in school. Perhaps brain-storming by writing down anything that comes to your mind on the given topic will help you come up with more material. I found that helped me in the past. I like how you are not only describing the problems with unhealthy school food but also urging the schools to make changes.
ReplyDelete